There are days I circle the well of hope, allowing my movements to dance with the wind, brush over the cool water and offer me a small relief. My reflection is the only thing to touch the waters: I am scared to draw from the well because with hope comes change. And I am not sure if the change I will be left with is worth more than what I have learned to live with – what I have come to accept. And even if it is worth more, do I feel worthy enough to make a change? Would others think less of me?
I have become accustomed to carrying my burdens. They know me, and I know them. They are familiar, and I see them from time to time as both dear friends and old enemies. They know my quirks, routines and silences. They watch me move through the house, sensing my peace, my joy and my sadness.
Too often I forget that a fistful of pennies is more cumbersome and less in value than a few dimes. Even still, I circle the well, overflowing with "pennies for my thoughts."
Going about my morning routine, I move through the bedroom, across the living room and into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. My morning playlist pipes through the speakers and music begins to mingle with the silence, offering me a small relief. I can almost feel the weight of a few pennies drop as I reach for my yellow mug – simple pleasures.
I notice laundry in the hamper, dust on the furniture and a to-do list on the island in the kitchen. I replace my mug for a handful of dirty laundry. The window upon the door of my washing machine offers a tired reflection of myself as I lean down to sort the clothes. I stare at this girl – she is familiar, and I see her as both a dear friend and an old enemy. Resting on my knees surrounded by dirty clothes, I take a moment to pray for the girl staring back at me.
Somewhere between my fear and my faith I hear a worship song begin. As odd as it may seem, I felt the hand of God lift me from my knees and move me to draw from the well of hope. The dirty laundry, dust and to-do list will still be there, but this song will too soon be over.
I danced so freely in the midst of my life and all its circumstances that pennies fell into the well like wishes. But I knew the freedom I received was not from wishing, but from trusting. Trusting God to be God – to let go of my desire to understand; to simply and bravely cling to hope. To stop accepting less than what God desires, and to let God’s opinion count the most. I must trust that whatever comes has touched His hand first. And His hand keeps me steady. God will help me. He always has, and He will not stop now.
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul" (Psalm 94:19).
God reached out His hand, and I gave Him all my pennies. In exchange, I was lighter – truly free despite what or who was around me. I danced in the presence of the Lord. He watched me move through the house, sensing my peace, my joy and my sadness. And He kept me steady. He kept me His. And in this, I can live into hope. I can face change. I can know my worth is in Christ. And I can dance with peace, joy, and yes, even sadness – I can still dance. For God is with me.
A penny for your thoughts?
SGLY, dear reader.
(Smile, God Loves You.)
Tiffany Kaye Chartier is a Christian author and opinion columnist. Submit feedback and connect for more soul lifts on Facebook: Tiffany Kaye Chartier; Instagram:@tiffanysgly; and Twitter: @tiffanychartier. The views and opinions expressed here are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of Texoma Marketing and Media Group.